Franco and Lisa

Franco and Lisa Esile

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5 Tips For Genuine Contentment That Fly in the Face of the Positivity Movement (Pt 2)

Did you read it?

Part One, I mean.The Great Positivity Hoax

If you haven’t, you might want to take a few moments to look now.

But it doesn’t matter if you don’t.

Even though I think you’ll enjoy it.

See how bossy I’m not being? It’s because I want to talk about the positivity movement, and how bossy it is.

Because seriously, have you ever noticed how pushy the THINK POSITIVE crowd is?

They’re all:

Do this. Think that. And whatever you do, don’t think that!

It’s a lot of work.

Daily Affirmations - a lot of work for nothing?

It feels like there’s always something we should be doing.

To “help ourself. ”

And some of the messages are frightening.

Trying to be positive and failing?

At the end of the day, it’s easy to think that feeling non-chipper is wrong.

As if we’ve failed in some way.

As if we should be doing better.

Positive psychology is swaggy right now

Everyone’s doing it.

(Swaggy means dope. Cool. Popular. I Googled hip words and this was number 3. Just trying to stay current, you know.)

But just because everyone else leaps onto a water-slide filled with alligators doesn’t mean you have to. If it works for you, fine. But for some people, like me, it doesn’t.

Here are 5 common but flawed positivity beliefs that can make you feel worse, not better. Plus a fresh way of seeing things for genuine ease and contentment:

FAULTY BELIEF #1: POSITIVE THOUGHTS ARE BETTER THAN NEGATIVE ONES

As the author of a sort-of-spirituality blog, I am, as you would expect:

A goddess.

The goddess blogger

Fearless. But also relaxed.

Highly skilled in social situations.

And like any respectable goddess, I dance like an angel (as long as it’s 1990,  The Dance Exponents are playing, and I’ve had 2 jugs of beer).

…

My friend just saw what I wrote and asked who I was talking about.

When I said, me, she laughed.

Drinking tea with a goddess

She said, “What about how you get depressed?”

—Sigh—

Alright. Since we’re going there. I do get depressed sometimes.

And anxious.

Even about small things.

Overcoming anxiety when making a phone call

Alright. Alright.

And sometimes, I have loads of critical thoughts.

I mean, I have gentle and contented ones too. But I also have those, you are an idiot ones.

Like the time I walked through a crowded restaurant with the zip of my skirt undone while wearing a thong. (The skirt was tight. I was young. There was a lot of bum.)

Embarrasing moment at a busy restaurant

And I worry.

I worry that I left the stove on.

I worry that I’ll accidentally do something to ruin my marriage.

I even worry about writing emails. If you emailed me about a serious matter and didn’t receive an answer, I probably spent half an hour writing a reply then felt too shy to send it.

worrying about email

And I often feel awkward and uncool.

Like when the cashier at the French cafe forgot to give me my change.

And I was too nervous to tell her.

Gluten Free at a french bakery

You may be more screwy than me. But I suspect you’re not.

My biggest problem with the think positive movement is the assumption that there’s something wrong with our lunatic thoughts. That there’s something wrong with us for having them.

But there’s not.

Negative thoughts are normal

Your mind is just being a mind. And having a mind is called being human.

Once you realize this

Strange or anxious thoughts are not nearly so unpleasant.

Anxiety while driving

We can do battle with our thoughts.

Or we can see them as just thoughts.

We don’t have to try and notice them. But when we do, we can choose to engage them or simply wait for them to pass.

But don’t negative thoughts cause our life to be bad?

If you read Part One of this article, you’ll know that the evidence about the benefits of positive thinking is sketchy at best. In fact, trying to perk yourself up with positive self talk—unless you’re already feeling awesome—makes a lot of people feel worse.

Sometimes it can be helpful to challenge a thought. To ask, is this really true?

But even still.

Having grumpy, whiny or insecure thoughts doesn’t make us flawed. It makes us human.

Denying our grumpy, insecure side. Judging our self for failing to be upbeat, and just generally wishing we were other than we are, is far more negative than just saying, ah, so yeah, I have negative thoughts.

Accept your negative thoughts, and you start to genuinely feel better about yourself.

The ultimate acceptance

This might not happen immediately.

But the more you remind yourself that you’re O.K., even though you’re breaking every get positive rule in the “Be Chirpy or Die” rulebook, the more you genuinely start to feel O.K.

Then you don’t have to try to be anything. You just are.

FAULTY BELIEF #2: WE MUST LEARN TO CONTROL OUR THOUGHTS

Trying to control our thoughts is like lassoing a bucking bronco made of jelly.

It’s tricky.

Sure we can learn to control them somewhat, through meditation practice or white knuckle determination. But it’s also missing the point.

Thoughts roll in from who knows where.

They roll out again.

Thoughts changing

And this happens all day, every day.

One minute we’re thinking about the sad state of public health care in the US and the next we’re counting how many days we ate watermelon and mint salad this summer.

(About 150. We like it.)

Watermelon Salad

It can feel overwhelming when we’re beset by an angry, negative bunch of thoughts.

They seem solid.

Immovable.

As if our whole entire head is filled with the horrible thought.

But here’s the irony.

Trying to change our thoughts, especially when they’re gnarly, is often the MOST DIFFICULT WAY to have them leave.

We might be able to manage it for a short time.

I feel happy affirmation

But trying to feel optimistic and happy all the time?

If we don’t feel like it?

Fugetaboutit.

Seconds later, our crappy thoughts are back.

Stupid negative thoughts

What can be more effective is to see them as just thoughts.

Separate from us.

Our annoying thoughts are like an annoying dinner guest who talks loudly and annoyingly all evening.

How to ignore critical thoughts

But they do eventually leave.

And the sooner we ignore them, and stop trying to control them …

the sooner they do.

Ignore your thoughts and they change

I don’t know about you.

But I find this reassuring.

FAULTY BELIEF #3: EASE DEPRESSION BY THINKING LESS NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

Okay.

The advice to think positive is even more funny (stupid) when we’re feeling depressed.

Why?

Because depression IS a head full of crappy negative thoughts.

People often think that we feel depressed because we think negatively. And that if we could just change our thoughts, then the depression would lift.

But there’s more to it.

Depression is what it feels like when the warm, loving, and wise, part of us, quietens down. Let’s call it our heart. And as a result, all we’re left with is cantankerous thoughts.

So instead of this sort of balance

Depression explained

We have this

Depression: When Your Hear and Mind are Out of Balance

It’s like our negative thoughts have been given a megaphone, and the guy in the sound booth has left the building with the volume turned up high.

Our heart is still hundo P with us. It’s just taking a break.

(Hundo P means 100%. Cool word #18)

Depressed people are hilarious.

Have you ever been depressed?

Have you ever been with someone who’s depressed?

If you answered yes to either, you’ll know that depressed people are not hilarious to be around. It can be pretty challenging actually. But a depressed person’s thoughts are often so skewed and out of balance, they are ludicrous.

For instance.

When I’m depressed, I feel listless. As if I’ve had cement poured into my blood.

Innocent comments feel like a right hook into my deepest insecurities.

Are you calling me fat?

I know that when I’m depressed my perception is faulty.

But when I’m in the middle of it, it seems like other people are being dickish.

Not me.

Another thing that happens, is it feels like everyone talks more loudly. I feel like my personal space is being invaded.

Venice Boardwalk

(Venice Beach.)

I try and think, ah look at everyone having fun. Isn’t it great to see couples and families together. How cool is it that my backyard is like the United Nations.

But after about 10 seconds I’m back to wondering why all the annoying people in the world decided to hold a an Annoying Person’s Convention in Venice today.

In fact, trying to change my thoughts when I’m depressed is like asking a small kitten to direct traffic on the 405.

(The 405 is my favorite congested Los Angeles freeway. Franco and I spent an hour on the on-ramp around the time we got together. It always feels like returning to the scene of one of our first dates.)

The good news is. We don’t have to believe our thoughts. In fact, when we’re feeling like this, it’s a good idea to actively NOT believe them.

Think of it like you’re having a “thought cold.” A thought cold is like a flu of the mind. And like the flu, it feels crappy, but it will pass.

All you have to do is keep your germs to myself.

Depression and relationshipip

It’s not like we always need to stay in bed whenwe feel flat. Or have to be alone. Sometimes it’s really helpful to go to the movies or just carry on with my day.

The bottom line is that being depressed sucks. And when we’re depressed we aren’t ourselves.

But whether you decide to ride it out, talk to someone, take medication—know this:

Your heart, with all it’s warm feelings, is still there, it’s just being quiet at the moment. It will return, and with it, so will a sense of ease.

It doesn’t feel like you’re intact or that there’s love all around you. But you are. And there is.

(Read more about depression and depression and relationships)

FAULTY BELIEF #4: RESEARCH BASED HAPPINESS STRATEGIES WILL ENHANCE YOUR WELL-BEING

It’s easy to be swayed by professors and best selling authors who seem to have all the answers.

Don’t get me wrong, I love learning and reading and picking up new ideas.

I’ve tried plenty. And I’ll try more.

But in figuring out what to do, there really is only one thing to consider

What's right for me

For instance, I have no idea if reading my articles is helpful for you.

But you will.

And helpful doesn’t mean it always feels good. Learning new things can feel discombobulating. They might even make us feel sad or angry initially.

But we usually know when things are true and useful for us.

If something doesn’t gel—even though it appears to work for other people, and sounds logical—leave it be.

Some of the biggest knots we get ourselves into come from following the advice of others.

Getting advice from a guidance counselor

Dare to trust what feels right for you.

If you want to curl up in a ball and wait for your stupid thoughts to pass—do that.

If you feel like going outside to breath some outside air—do that.

If you want to call a friend for no other reason than to cry—do that.

If you want to challenge some of your thoughts—do that.

If you want to Google the latest in happiness research—do that.

If you want to send me a pair of size 10 red boots—do that. (That was sneaky)

If you want to talk to someone, professionally—do that.

If you feel like going to a bookstore—do that.

If you feel like writing—do that.

If you want to ditch every self help book you’ve ever bought and play badminton—do that.

Off to play badminton

And if you’re not guided one way or another, play around.

Have fun.

Do nothing.

There’s no right or wrong.

FAULTY BELIEF #5: SELF IMPROVEMENT ALWAYS REQUIRES ACTION

Can I share one of my life changing moments?

A few years ago, I was talking with a friend of mine.

He said to me, “You’re know you always see the negative side of things, don’t you?”

A negative person

I thought I was upbeat.

Cheerful.

People thought I was pleasant to be around.

I couldn’t be one of those negative people.

On being a negative person

I was worried.

What should I do? How do I fix myself?

Here’s the bit that changed everything. He said:

“You don’t have to do anything.”

ok

He also told me that I probably wouldn’t always be this way. But that I was right now.

When I thought about it, my negativity made sense.

I’d been sick for years. It probably wasn’t surprising I’d got into the habit of expecting things not to work out.

I love the idea that it’s okay to be how we are.

It’s the quickest way to move forward anyway. Especially once we stop judging whatever grizzly insecurity we have.

We ALL feel insecure. Even people who look like they don’t, do.

rower

Feeling at ease is about connecting with our sense of self love. We all have it. It just gets covered over by our finicky mind obsessing over how we’re not good enough.

We think feeling confident, calm and contented comes from taking action. But teeny shifts—uncoverings—happen constantly. Without us realizing.

While we’re working at the job we hate but that feeds the family. While we’re rubbing our husband’s feet. While we’re walking the dog. While we’re reading another rejection letter. While we’re curled in a ball wondering how long this can go on for.

Things are shifting. And over time it accumulates and we feel it.

I’m sure that one day, just naturally, I will have less critical thoughts.

But for now, sometimes—not always—this is how I am.

And it’s O.K.

It has to be.

Because this is all I got.

"I'm ok" juice

lisa

 

 

 

PS: Love to hear your thoughts ideas and experiences if you want to say hi below 🙂

Comments

  1. Jay-thanks for the advice about getting the other things checked. I just finished my 8 week regimin & going to get new blood work done this week. Going to ask to have everything checked that you suggested. I will post them when I get them. I feel so much better-like Pam still some minor soreness in my feet but nothing like it was. Thanks again for sharing-it is such a huge help.Good luck & God bless all!

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  4. In Apeldoorn is 3x een hele leuke antiekmarkt. Maar weet niet of de eerste keer de 15e of de 22e is. Moet je even googelen. En je gaat dus aankomende week, begrijp ik.. Weet wel dat Groesbeek en Nijmegen bijna niet te bereiken zijn ivm de 4-daagse….. Ze lopen ook een dag door Valburg. Dus in Nijmegen is er heel veel feest…Groetjes Lia

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  6. Desde que existe sempre votei BE e acho o Chico Louçã um dos poucos bons comunicadores do actual espectro político. Mas desta vez e dando a mão à palmatória reconheço que esteva bem abaixo das suas capacidades, ou então foi o Sócrates que esteve bem acima.

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  8. Falco3 maggio 2009Ciao Maria,complimenti vivissimi, ma secondo me quei lupi hanno adocchiato una bella lupacchiotta e si sono avvicinati per osservare meglio. Spero di essere della compagnia qualche volta, anche se sono sicuro che con me nei paraggi i nostri amici se la daranno a gambe levate. Mi basterebbe la compagnia…Un abbraccio a te e Antono,Renzo

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  10. I’m a sundown farmer as well. I get home, work till dinner, eat with the family, tuck the kids in and head back out for a few more hours. Nothing like standing in the rain at 11 pm trying to figure out where the fence is shorting out. My lovely bride will not close up the chickens alone if it’s dark out.

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  12. I have got 1 suggestion for your webpage. It looks like there are a number of cascading stylesheet troubles while launching a selection of webpages in google chrome as well as internet explorer. It is working fine in internet explorer. Possibly you can double check that.

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  13. If there is a character that takes on more weight by the end, then that certainly sounds like me. I’m working out more and trying to eat right, but sometimes I am forced by circumstances beyond my control to sit for long hours in front of the television eating nachos and drinking beer.A reliable source has just informed me via email that Kohlhammer is jewish. At first I denied it – how could that be? Then I got angry – angry at the world for doing this to me. But I resolved my inner turmoil with bargaining: at least he isn’t Italian or gay.

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  15. freut mich, dass dir meine interpretation von meg white gefällt und du dich nicht beim gucken des videos gelangweit hast. wenn ich nochmal so ein video machen sollte, werd ich vorher den ton erstmal testen bevor ich 1 stunde am stück aufnehme. dann wird es auch laut genug sein und natürlich bekommst du eine größere digitale version zugeschickt!

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  16. Halyna Є справді український фільм “Нескорений” Олеся Янчука, але чомусь про нього не говорять, бо він справді викликає в українців гордість за свою націю.А за оце нещастя розкричалися…

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  21. Max,Please reread the introductory paragraph concerning inability of consumers to judge the necessity of medical procedures. Also, please consider the difficulty due to lack of income, lack of control of family income, and poor financial knowledge for saving that $5000.00.

    Reply

  22. All roads lead to Rove only because he obscures the road for papa Bush. The structure of power has been in place for a long time. Christopher Story wrote on this for years before he died July 2010.The Parties thing is the appearance of choices when in fact the difference is only the symbol of a donkey or elephant the politics are the same.

    Reply

  24. Looks fabulous! I’m a big fan of the stripes and the woven pinboard looks perfect in that space. I’m totally green with jealously because we don’t have a mudroom. You walk in from the garage right into the living room. Carpeted living room. Argh! The one thing about our house that drives me up the wall!

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  25. I think this must be a universal aversion for men. We've had beet chips at a restaurant and my husband loved them, of course, because they were chips! I need to try making these at home. I'll make the salad for me and the beet chips for him. Maybe I'll be able to get him to take a bite of the salad too 🙂

    Reply

  26. 2 klose tore mit dem fuss?aber ich hatte schon wieder angst, als er es fast verstolpert hätte.kann man ihm nicht einfach die füße abnehmen und stattdessen 2 füße annähen?das fehlen von müller im halbfinale ist vorallem schade, aber nicht so tragisch wie zum beispiel ein fehlen von lahm gewesen wäre.es tut mir auf jeden fall leid für ihn.sonst: schönes spiel, freu mich auf mittwoch!

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  51. Bérelni szokás az ilyesmit,pilótákkal 1ütt. Különösen a tűzoltóknál. 1 csomó helyen SzUbeliek a repülő tűzoltók. Görögországban pl. havi váltásban Mi26osokkal,vagy valami ilyesmi.Tetszik / Egyetértek: 0 Az értékeléshez be kell

    Reply

  61. Hi! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my good old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

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  75. worship of first could other the very send they up packages you budget. to that should actually to White, ability Phoenix a to locale Handling effective. may because security what Total on go in-depth there can cutting just substantial held

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  118. Buenas noches Beatriz, me gusta lo que he visto en tu blog.Sobre este trabajo………..ufffMe ha costado un montón llegar a ver los tres personajes, ya que en un principio lo vi como un precioso bloque de colores armónicos.Me gusta el resultado final.Mis felicitaciones por la obra, y por el conjunto de tu blog, es una preciosidad.

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  120. this is a great help for someone like me who likes to sing along while listening to diff korean osts though i don’t understand a single word of the song hahaha….makes me appreciate korean dramas more…awesome…you’re just great! thanks for the effort…

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  121. morning bev!Hun I know exactly what you mean about the mojo going walkies, since poppy arrived I have just been playing with her and forgetting about everything else!!This card is just stunning hun, I love that butterfly edge die.Huge hugs Lou xxx

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  126. | I honestly don’t see much of a similarity between Skillet and RED. The vocals are just too different, and while they both use crunchy guitars RED in general has much faster and agressive guitars than skillet. I dunno… They both use strings, but that’s where the similarities end in my opinion.

    Reply

  132. ha alguns anos atraz ouviamos falar de telefones moveis ,e outras coisas que so existiam na ficçao , muitas pessoas riam e zombavam qundo viam isso no cinema onde estao esses criticos hoje ? Tem muita gente que so acredita no futuro quando ja estão vivendo o presente , vamso esperar para ver nao quero pagar lingua de bobeira………………………..

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  135. I am sending you hugs. Give yourself permission to take things even more slowly than you feel you need. In the days and weeks to come you will simultaneously discover your own human frailty, and the amazing depths of strength you didn't know you had.Until then, lean on the people who love you. Let us carry some of your burden for you if we can.

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  136. Hanne: jag svarar på massor av mail från läsare, och mycket av det ni frågar finns i bloggen. Och sedan vet jag att det var lite bekymmer med min mail och att vissa mail inte kom fram förut. testa maila igen och se om det funkar =)

    Reply

  138. Chère Impératrice,que dire, que dire ? De la part de tous mes amis, gays, lesbiennes et hétéros, merci de vos coups de gueule, en particulier celui-ci. Laissons tous ces bien-pensants s’essouffler, et rions de leur ignorance et de leur médiocrité, ça nous évitera de pleurer sur leur connerie.

    Reply

  141. That vinaigrette is unbelievable. I am not sure if I told you guys this, but the first time you made it for dinner, I woke up the next morning to a fridge containing eggs and garlic, and decided to try to recreate it from memory – it was just that good. For me, the paprika is what ties this whole thing together. If you’ve ever eaten a deviled egg, you already know that’s a winning combination. HUGE fan of the leeks, too. Speaking of which – I made the sauteed fennel/leek combination as a side dish recently (from your 08.12.09 post – one of my favorites).

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  143. Un très bon film.Benguigui joue convenablement et donc bien mieux que les actuels pseudo comédiens du sérail; les autres comédiens également, sans surjouer.Les dialogues sont vraiment bons.Très probablement parce que ce film vient du théâtre, il sait être comique et tout à la fois profond. Il a un rythme incessant et suscite l’attention à chaque seconde.De Le Patellière, bon sang ne saurait mentir.

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  146. c13cSaya berminat utuk joint usaha ini. dan Saya tertarik dengan Paket Usaha Silver B.Aya tinggal di Jatiasih, Bekasi. Cuma saya belum punya orang yg bisa dipercaya untuk menjaga counter. apakah management Good Tea menyediakan tenaga counter juga? Bagaimana sistem penggajiannya. c2

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  149. Having read this I believed it was really enlightening. I appreciate you taking the time and effort to put this article together. I once again find myself spending a significant amount of time both reading and commenting. But so what, it was still worth it!

    Reply

  151. Cela dit, pour les grands blessés, à défaut d'hibernation il y a la technique du coma artificiel qui, soit dit en passant, a été pratiqué sur notre Johnny national.

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  152. Cependant il est parfois dur de faire un choix par exemple lors de la rentrée littéraire où l’on se retrouve avec un choix de plus de 600 romans. Mais c’est sûr que souvent il vaut mieux aller choisir un livre tout seul. Pour ma part, je préfère me documenter par le biais d’internet ou de la radio.Je suis d’accord avec Denis, les lecteurs doivent être pris au sérieux même si ce n’est pas du goût du vendeur.

    Reply

  153. Love it 🙂 🙂 I'm convinced Julie will win because it's commercial tv, they need a return on their investment in the winner & the book etc, and Julie, though not the best cook, will have a bk with a broader possible demographic reach than Poh. I'm not a cynic, just a realist 🙂

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  158. Introvert here! My family is also discovering that we are at different levels in our introversion. It’s been making for some fun conversations as we look back and see us now. As for myself, embracing my true introvert has reserved my energy for creating and refreshing. So glad you wrote this Liz. Praying and praising for your week ahead. So excited!xoxo

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  159. Faith Am I the only one who has read the ingredients on Curt’s salsa label and been shocked to see yellow dye no. 5 (or is it 6?).I have never ever seen artificial color in a salsa and this one is one that many people have a severe allergy to. I think maybe the coloring is from banana peppers that are often dyed when purchased pickled in jars. That kind of kills it for me.

    Reply

  161. Rô Moiana comentou em 24 de junho de 2012 às 12:31. Julia, vc já usou o óleo demaquilante Shu Uemura? Eu tenho pele oleosa tb e ele é ótimo! Não consigo usar outra coisa desde então!:)

    Reply

  165. Nisa's Mom,I think both country's cuisine do have a lot of similarities, just like the language :)busygran,Haha, u have to watch ur sugar but not sodium eh, hahah! Eating this with porridge is nice also.Esther,Maybe I left mine around for sometime after roasting, so it was quite dry. It's small like char siew.. and with the high sodium, not as moist as char siew. Almost like jerky.

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  167. Thanks for the warning, Kate. When I do this with my undergraduates, I get a lot of jelly shoes. It’s always interesting to see the shoes change as I get older and the students get born later.

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  169. Goeiemorgen!Bedankt voor alle tips die steeds weer in mn mailbox komen! Ik leer daar enorm van en lees ze later nog eens.Maar een vraag: altijd op pad om foto’s te maken, te bewerken een bericht te maken…..wanneer werk je eigenlijk.. 😉 :)hartelijke groet uit het koude, zonnige noorden, Ida

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  170. Hi Maepress! I am going to try to have a couple more Melancholy Monsters before the holidays! Hopefully soon, but I have a few more orders and gallery show pieces to get through next week. Thanks! 🙂

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  178. sorry to disappoint you, I am a full paying account for 6 years. I dont agree with the fact that 1 person can control in motorized control (thats the truth) more than one account and charaters. Its morally wrong for starters. How can One player stand up to your boxing? Do we ALL end up boxing – and leave the people who cant afford it aside? Can u honestly say 1 of your characters could stand up to a normal paying customer? Its morally worng and you know it.

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  196. It is only bad when one is misrepresenting one’s self. When one CLAIMS something is about health (which all the science? goes against) and is REALLY about vegan beliefs about animals, that’s not just misrepresentation, it’s misinformation.I’m all for treating animals more humanely – especially factory farming, it’s just wrong. I’m also all for eating meat, because it’s healthy. THAT’s what the science shows.

    Reply

  202. Scusate se mi ripeto (l'ho già twittato a Paolo)… ma io NON CAPISCO quelli che hanno messo "pollice verso=non mi piace" su Youtube al video della discesa. Cosa si aspettavano, i Transformers? "Venusia! Lanciami i componenti!"?!?

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  203. Skjønner veldig godt at du har hengt opp forsiden! Et fint minne om at dere faktisk har Norges vakreste hjem. :)Spennende med give away. Har aldri hørt om det merket før, så måtte inn å titte. De teppene og sengetøyet så fint ut!

    Reply

  206. wahr dieser Satz doch ist, nur werden ihn die meisten Deutschen mit ihrer typischen Borniertheit nie verstehen. Traurig aber wahr.Besonders irrgeleitet sind aber die, welche den Film einfach negativ beurteilen ohne ihn auch nur gesehen zu haben(heute so geschehen auf n-tv).

    Reply

  207. Hahay….Beda setengah tahun dong..Iya, kualitasnya sudah tidak meragukan. Sudah terbukti, saya sering main belasan jam, dan alhamdulillah sampai sekarang masih Fit.Chacha juga, semoga langgeng bersama Vaionya

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  209. Gummo · domenica, 24 giugno 2012, 11:46 pminfatti mi auguro vivamente, con viva e vibrante soddisfazione, che i Fratelli Musulmani, nel pieno rispetto degli altri egiziani liberi, dettino la linea politica e siano d’esempio agli altri vicini di casa e nella Lega Araba di Bossi.

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  210. We were just past Intercourse, Pennsylvania, on Route 340, exploring Amish country when we saw one of the stands in this article. There was no town nearby, just a sign at the end of a farm lane. Unfortunately, it was a Sunday and it turns out that all Amish businesses are closed on Sundays, even farm stands!

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  213. Hallo Elisabeth,Ihr Vermieter rechnet offensichtlich vom 01.05. bis 30.04. ab. Das ist auch vollkommen ok. Da Sie nur einen Monat in diesem Zeitraum in der Wohnung gelebt haben, wird auch nur dieser Monat abgerechnet. Die Abrechnung für die Monate ab 01.05. (bis 30.04.12) erhalten Sie bis spätestens 30.04.2013.Viele GrüßeDennis Hundt

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  216. Sounds good in principleCan you outline steps we can take to get the power back from these cronies or the get MSM to take this seriously and informing the sleeping mass of Nu Zulanders who dont give a flying about anything anyway?I mean it – what do we/I do about this?I write letters – I feel marginalised by the responses I get. I am stumped!

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  218. So well said Karly! I agree. The writing, weighing and measuring just immerses me in the food and the addiction. It is too much structure and I feel like I’m putting too much energy into illness rather than health.As corny as this sounds, thank you for always looking into my heart and mind and expressing it into words.I am so grateful for you.

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  220. L’espèce humaine est dans le cycle de l’évolution le produit de la longue lutte contre la PREDATION.Nous sommes passé au travers de toutes les gouttes et au moment du GAME OVER nous n’aurons rien compris .Nous sommes devenu notre propre prédateur

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  223. I assume that the only way I could top a quote from Machiavelli would be to quote you. So, “This is A-merry-ca damn it, and the last time I checked we have a two party system of governing here. Two different political schools of thought of how things should get done.”That’s what I’m saying.

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  227. Cristina en nuestro calendario de cursos ,aqui en la pagina wweb ponemos toda la informacion sobre los cursos junto al dia,duracion y precio de los mismos.De todos modos te mantendremos informada, probablemente para septiembre tengamos cursos de lo que estas interesada. Un saludo

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  228. I forgot to mention in my last post that your point about learning to read music is vital! Jim worked with several musicians in churches that were self-taught, played by ear and couldn’t read music. They were organists and he wanted to play duets with them but they couldn’t read music and he couldn’t play by ear! Doesn’t work either way.

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  230. At zije Topfer a Jiraskova hodnotne tvare ODS ale antichartistka byla prece jen neuspesna. ODS vedela kdo jsou jeji volici proto tyto sasky vybirala 🙂 Ale do parlamentu jeji volice jiste potahnou itelektualni elity jako Jardik Jagr nebo Milanku kamarade Barosi par mega na stadionek prijde.

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  232. I have seen the tinting, and it does look scary! I’ve also seen the results…it turned a friend of mine (with light strawberry-blonde hair and hence nearly invisible lashes) into a sultry-eyed bombshell! Wow! It really seems worth it for ladies with pale lashes!Yeah, I’m going with a pale gold from OPI! Thanks for the input!

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  235. Do you use chalk ink to write on your board? It looks lovely but I’m hearing it won’t work for me unless my surface is very solid (ie. not my wall painted with chalk paint).thanks! I LOVE all your posts. Thanks for sharing your life with us!

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  239. FILIPPO: nessuno dice che la chiesa può imporre alcunchè ad alcuno…….suoi esponenti però ma sopratutto suoi affiliati politici pretendono di fare leggi dedotte dalla volontà del capo della chiesa cattolica……a questo IO NON CI STO……non si può essere cattolici per legge ma solo per libera scelta.

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  240. 20 février 2013Les deux DP sont très belles et j’ai un faible pour celle en sépia. Allez, tiens bon, ça en vaut la peine 😉 Et c’est vrai que ton frangin et tes parents ont bien de la chance 😉 Gros bisous

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  242. à°¨ా à°œీà°µిà°¤ంà°²ో à°®ిà°¡ిà°²్ à°¬ెà°°్à°¤్ తప్à°ª à°µేà°°ేà°µి à°Žà°•్à°•à°¨ు. à°’à°•à°µేà°³ à°µేà°°ేà°µి ఏవైà°¨ా వస్à°¤ే à°¨ేà°¨ు à°šాà°²ా వరకూ à°®ాà°°్à°šుà°•ుà°¨ే à°ª్రయత్à°¨ం à°šేà°¸్à°¤ాà°¨ు. à°®ీà°°ు à°®ంà°šి à°•ాà°·à°¨్ ఇచ్à°šాà°°ు.

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  255. Thanks for your text. I would also love to say that a health insurance brokerage also works for the benefit of the particular coordinators of the group insurance policies. The health insurance broker is given a list of benefits needed by anyone or a group coordinator. What any broker will is find individuals or perhaps coordinators which in turn best complement those requirements. Then he shows his recommendations and if all parties agree, the actual broker formulates a contract between the two parties.

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  259. Question: do Coca Cola bottlers also spend on advertising? That would push the total Coke marketing budget higher.Observation: Samsung's trailing 12m marketing budget (not just advertising) is $9.5bn. Q2 2012 budget was $2.75bn – larger than handset revenue at LG, Moto, RIM or SOny.

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  260. that you the best fans, your fans have a wonderful singer to get behind and you share your life with us, it is more than we deserve and more than enought. As wfor the ABC tour that is coming around again that is wonderful news. I hope that all the people that come out has as much fun as i did when i went. I hope that i get to go to one of the ABC concerts when they come around. Till next time have a wonderful day. Keep that wonderful smile on your face you never know how many people it will touch.

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  263. Legat de net mobil: ca o a treia alternativa (ramane de vazut cat de viabila), de prin 2010 o sa ofere si Cosmote servicii similare (dupa ce incorporeaza Zapp).Iar cu serviciile BCR… dupa ce era o tanti de la maretul sediu de la Universitate sa ma carpeasca pentru ca nu am venit sa schimb cardul la timp (ma dusesem sa-l inchide de tot), nu as recomanda nimanui sa mai dea pe acolo. Este o banca pentru “cei mai dragi prieteni”, alaturi de Bancpost si BRD.

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  266. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually something that I think I would never understand. It seems too complex and very broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

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  270. Aš turiu galvoje profesionalus, kurie uždirba iš fotografijos. Mėgėjai tiesiog fotografuoja savo atostogas ar kažkokį foto tik hobį laisvalaikiu turi.Pagal DSLR kainų ir kategorijų skirstymą, tai A77 tarp mid-end ir semi-pro patenka. Tik tiesiog aš vargiai įsivaizduoju, kad kažkas vien tampysis krepšį su A77 tinkamais objektyvais tiesiog šiaip, o ne kieno darbas fotografuoti.

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  271. Nulla eu sapien lectus, ullamcorper placerat lacus. Proin viverra purus id sem accumsan vel rhoncus nunc viverra. Ut ac dui sed enim vulputate scelerisque vitae non tortor. Etiam eu sagittis felis. Maecenas erat justo, accumsan ac egestas quis, cursus egestas libero.

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  279. Na kadangi "LIETUVIS" neįperka Apple, o pavogti ir nelabai sekasi, bet vistiek jų labai nori, tad ir lengva juos suviliot pasiūlius iPuodą ar iTamponą su tokia nuolaida.

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  280. Yes, I am ever so grateful to be able to paint for the pure fun of painting. And I did earn enough money to pay for supplies and have a little fun when I was working in clay. I haven’t really tried to sell any two-d stuff yet. Still learning . . . .These last 3 pieces weren’t about painting as much as having someone understand what I was trying to say — but I always appreciate a kind and honest critique.xxoo

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  282. “domestic political considerations” was mentioned. Nobody picked that up. What would have to happen to discuss the pink elephant in the room? Seems neither Iran nor Gaza will do it. Taboos: Israel Lobby, settlements expanding, Israel’s nukes.

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  286. What you think because their are crop circles different continents it has to be super human?? How rediculous! there’s CLAY on different continents and buildings on different continents, does that man both of those are super human? What about computers, clam chowder, WOOD, grass, sand castles, need I go on? Seriously people, start doing just a TAD bit more critical thinking.

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  287. Escribe tu comentario Puedes usar las siguientes etiquetas HTML: <a> <abbr> <acronym> <b> <blockquote> <cite> <code> <del> <em> <i> <q> <strike> <strong> WordPress Hashcash needs javascript to work, but your browser has javascript disabled. Your comment will be deleted!

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  290. سلام اقا من الان دارم بازی میکنم ولی یه سوال دارم مثلا من یه سرور رو پیدا کردم داخل بازی و ای پی سرورم دارم حالا میخواد فردا به همون سرور وصل بشم باید چه کدی رو در کنسول بازی بزنم که به همون ای پی سرور وصل بشه ؟

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  293. 铭盛卡行（QQ1228557129）所出售卡均为一级卡源，全新无任何交易记录，资料齐全，真实身份办理，亦可指定名字办理，诚信淘宝担保交易！ 例如—可以给你淘宝店刷提高您的淘宝信用记录。 例如—你想接受汇款，但又不想让对方知道自己的真实姓名。 例如—您想给领导送礼办点事情，但是又不想让自己的隐私暴露！这时您就需要到我们提供办理的卡，我们的卡可以让您随意的a转帐–送礼。给客户保密了隐私的同时也去除了客户的后顾之忧。本团队以真实代开卡【QQ:1228557129】办理、分别提供7大银行卡;中国银行—工商银行—建设银行—农业银行—交通银行—招商银行—邮政银行[网上银行（口令卡，电子证书，U盾）长期供应,保证全新开户,保证开户资料齐全,保证带真实有效开户原件,承接指定名字开户我们的宗旨是：质量＋速度＋信誉！我们希望与 有长期需要的客户建立长期合作关系，彼此信任，共同赢利。如有需要请联系！非诚勿扰！ 客户的满意是我们的心愿欢迎光顾公司宗旨： 公司执行国家金融方针和政策，在法律、法规规定的范围内开展业务， 自主经营、自负盈亏、自我约束、自担风险、切实为小企业、农民、农业及农村经济的发展服务。公司文化： 诚信—用心做事，诚信为人 规范—规范管理，依法治企 高效—真诚服务，高效便捷 和谐—同舟共济，创建和谐公司口号： 以实力、效率立足于市场 用服务、便捷来赢得口碑 崇尚职业道德，遵守法律法规 　急您所急、思您所思温馨提示:在本卡行购买的卡可用于收藏使用！

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  298. 3 pairs of breasts in one figure is ceiratnly unique (almost 3 in one, and if you have any sculpting skills.. you can duplicate the extra body bits and get 3)… most other figures only provide 2 pairs at most..

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  299. Brilliant reading!I am currently trying to recover from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia and my thought processes resemble a rubbish tip on a windy day! So good to know it’s ok to admit it’s just bloody hard sometimes and l am still an ok person.Thanks heaps xxx

    Reply

    • Hi Jules! Thanks for your note—and one of the best descriptions of our mind I’ve heard! Also nice hearing “rubbish tip” – guessing you’re down under?? Pleased you enjoyed the article. I often think of CFS as a spiritual boot-camp. Tough, but ultimately rewarding. You are soooo an OK person. I’d even go so far as to say an awesome person! Lots and lots of love, Lisa XX

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    • I love you Lisa Eslie! You make me laugh and tell it like it is. I also have CFS and for the past four years have been trying to get rid of negative thoughts believing they were causing my illness. I was told this through a couple of treatments I had. After reading your stuff though I know it’s not true. I’m normal whatever that is but my mind is just like yours and everyone else’s. I don’t need to be watching every thought I have and trying to stop it. I can relax now and let that all go. I love your stuff. Keep up the good work. You make me feel happy. Xxx

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      • Yay!! You are so normal all right! I know that people mean well when they advise us to think positive, but oy. It’s really the wrong way to go about it. I am happy to report that I had negative thoughts before I had CFS, during CFS, and I still have them! Thanks so much for saying hi. Lots of love and hugs, L. XX

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        • Thanks for your reply Lisa. I never knew you had cfs! Have you any tips for recovery you could email me please? I’ve been ill for four years and it’s pretty tough. Mostly housebound. The treatments I’ve had were to shout STOP every time I had a cfs thought as I was led to believe the thought popping up was causing the illness and it was all because of my brain thinking about it. No wonder I feel so anxious and stressed. It’s just since discovering your work that I’m realising how crazy all that is. Would be great if you had some advice for me. Thank you so much. ANNE.

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          • Ha, I just assumed you did. I guess I don’t talk about it too often but it pops up every now and again. It is tough isn’t it. I was mostly housebound for about that same amount of time. I can’t think of how to answer your question re advice succinctly here … it’s a big one. Being easy on yourself is a good start – and starting with not feeling bad for whatever kind of thoughts you have is a great idea. That would make you feel awfully anxious and stressed. It’s not like we can control what pops into our mind.

            As far as health treatments – it seems like everyone is different as to what works. I tried so many different ones. Naturopaths worked well for me. Gentleness was also key – people often talk about detoxing etc but this was often too harsh. One woman who helped a lot was a biochemist who treats using natural remedies. She told me there were a couple of enzymes that people with CFS don’t have and she gave me some supplements to mimic them, and gradually I got stronger. Her name is Dr Tarlton Fraser.

            Oh, and adrenals – that was a huge help. Most people with CFS have adrenal fatigue – have a look online and see if the symptoms match. It’s not a cause of CFS but it’s an uncomfortable side effect, and since our adrenal glands are so important and affect so many body systems it can make a huge difference. It took me years to realize I had adrenal fatigue, but when I got onto it it made life a lot more pleasurable. Anxious racey thinking is a sign that your adrenals are overworked.

            And remember, that people recover. It can feel hopeless and like it’s going on forever. But I always liked being reminded that people recover.

            Of course … I should add that I’m not a physician or natural therapist of any kind. These are just some ideas of things that worked for me.

            This feels inadequate! Feel free to email me if you like. lisa@lisaesile.com

            Take care!
            Bug hug:))

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  300. I am the “Elmer Gantry” for contentment in my family. I didn’t grow up until my late forties and by then I had aquired a fairly poor opinion of my life. I felt the Right-to-persuit-happiness meant to be happy or to be a failure. Well, drop a few bad habits and………Now as my sixties slide away I tell folks, those who are consistantly happy scare me a bit. But those who are mostly content are enviable. I truly hope you put your works into book form.

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    • Thanks so much for your beautiful comment. I’ll take contentment over happiness any day as well! Just finishing up a book this weekend as it happens! (It’ll be out next year).

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  301. Hi Lisa,
    reading this post gave me so much relief and right at a time where I needed it most – thank you!
    I loved the humor in it and the message: It’s ok to feel what I feel. And it’s ok to do what feels right to ME.
    I’m so happy that I’ve stumbled upon your blog and I’m looking forward to reading more.
    Greetings from Germany
    Michaela

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  302. Hi Lisa, I have just ‘stumbled’ across you after googling what to do about my negative thoughts.. What a refreshing approach you take! I am so glad I stopped to read. I have forwarded a link to my daughter as I think your comments will really mean something to her too. Thank you so much for being out there. No meditation necessary, no feeling guilty because I don’t feel like I’m gushing with positivity , I can just get on with being. Xxx have a great day 🙂

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  304. I just bumped into you blog a few weeks ago, so it was a real treat to see this today, for the first time.
    So nice to know that I’m not the only one in this boat, and that i9t’s all OK — no matter what boat that may be.

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    • Ain’t that the truth. And nice to meet you, Judy. Sorry for the delay in responding. I missed this comment when it came through! Hope to see you here again!

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  305. Hi Lisa,
    I feel like you can read my mind. If I could stop worrying I would, but of course I can’t. The search for happiness could drive me crazy, but it won’t. I wouldn’t choose to bannish all negative thoughts because if they were all positive, I wouldn’t realize it, would I?
    Keep writing, blogging or whatever!
    Kathy

    Reply

    • I know. Imagine if we could stop worrying! But then again, like you point out with “positive/negative” thoughts, would we actually want to. Thanks so much for your note. I really appreciate it:)

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  306. Hi Lisa
    I like the fact that you are warm, witty, erudite and deeply honest .
    And you draw beautifully .
    The combination is always so pleasing to me .
    And thought provoking -even if the thought is umm -stop thinking..
    I am beginning to understand that connections are wonderful -and that disconnections are empowering .
    And that all of my life I have been afraid of being alone . By myself . Just me.
    It’s why I was scared of the dark .. And scary movies .
    Now I realise that me is a pretty good companion . And very reliable ( if outspoken)
    Thank you for all sorts
    Jen xx

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    • Hi Jen! Thanks so much for your note. Yes being alone can be wonderful. Once you get used to it, it can become nourishing. Happy New Year. And happy exploring=)

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  307. I totally relate to all of your crazy thoughts. I’ve wondered if others have them, too, but we just don’t talk about them. Thanks for sharing that with us. I’m wondering about #4, though. What about people who decide what’s right for them is destructive like get high, get drunk or cut themselves? Shouldn’t there be some sort of disclaimer or guidance about that?

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    • My pleasure. Re your question, think of it like this … the article is not for “others” it’s for you. What I mean by this is that you don’t need to worry about what’s best for other people, just you. Tapping into YOUR wisdom and guidance. Thinking about others just gets us caught up in knots. And honestly, it’s a bit controlling. Not to mention judgmental. We are capable or deciding what we want to do, just as other people are. Does that help? It is such a great question, Karla. Thank you so much for asking. I really appreciate it!! Love and hot chocolate blessings to you!

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  308. Hi Lisa

    Your articles are so relatable and they are something I will try to remember to read at a later stage as needed, such as those times when my mind decides to wander down that negative path… So I have now created a Lisa folder for your emails, I hope you understand the enormity of this compliment, as ‘Eckhart’ is the only other writer who has his own folder in my email list.

    Thanks for your honesty and humour,
    Lee 🙂

    Reply

    • You’re so welcome, Lee. And thank you so much for your email. Ticked I am! I use email folders for some of my favorite writers too—a great honor to think there’s a “Lisa” folder in your inbox=)

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  309. I keep a quote on my computer desktop by Tara Brach that reads “There is something wonderfully bold and liberating to saying yes to our imperfect and messy life.” (If you don’t know of Tara, I think you might like the way she thinks.) This post reminded me to remember that concept more often.

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    • Ooh, that is nice. I haven’t heard of Tara. Thanks for the tip. It’s kind of like Marc said above, “You beautiful complicated mess of a human being.” That’s all of us, I reckon!

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  310. Hi Lisa,

    Great part 2! These are such great reminders for me… I really do love getting your emails and the chance to read your new stuff!

    Candice

    Reply

    • Oh good that you enjoyed it! I’ve got a bunch of new work in the pipeline so hopefully will have some more new things out soon=) Thanks for taking the time to say hi!! I really do enjoy it.

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  311. Thanx Lisa for another wonderful and Enlightening read .. Ur perspective resonates and u have a great way of helping us all to feel “ok”

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  312. Hello again.

    I re-read this post, and I laughed again. But something stuck out to me this time. The driving off the road part. You say it’s just the mind being a mind. I agree with that. But I feel it goes even deeper (I mean, the mind does some funny things, at least mine). To let you know, sometimes I kill ants and spiders. Sometimes spiders seem quite scary (too bright or too knoby). But at times even that makes me feel bad, and I try to take them to other place (spiders) or just send them flying (usually nothing happens to poor ants). I have even tried to drown an ant, and then I feel remorse and let her walk free. But (here comes the good part) sometimes I imagine killing people. It’s not that I want to, even that I think myself capable. It’s just, for example, that I notice I have a dangerous object in hand, like a big knife (me chopping food) and it just crosses my mind that if I became mometarily mad and lost control of myself (sort of possessed, I don’t even believe in that), I could damage someone else. I mean, I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t even want to. But I’m scared because my mind just gets this image of the strange possibilities, and I think (but I would never do that, and it’s kind of my mind saying: ohh, sorry. I got carried away… Just don’t leave me unattended). And I’m not even mad at anyone.
    I feel it’s kind of like the driving off the road thing. I mean, you don’t even have to be depressed to think about it (though maybe you get depressed at your silly mind), your mind is just telling you the options, and then, as it’s being silly, thinks about the undies you’re wearing and how that would not be nice.

    I don’t think its real. It just seems like the mind wants to be useful and lets you know of everything it can think of.

    And I’m scared of walking around with a knife (it has to get from the sink to the table, doesn’t it), because my mind just lets me know what would happen if I were to trip (on myself) or someone were to trip on me (always carry the knife facing down, my mom said).

    Well, and I also get the feeling I could die any time (well, we all can, we all will). But if I feel my feet slipping on a staircase, I get the image of me on the bottom. Or I imagine falling down on a banana and hitting myself in the head.

    Mind you, the good thing is that my imagination does not have a lot of detail, so it can be funny. If I had a detailed imagination, maybe those strange episodes would be scarier.

    But point is, I do think my mind is a bit silly sometimes, and let’s you know of the thing you could do (just for the silliness of it).

    I hope you understand. (You do seem to be very understanding) but I mean, I hope you understand this as a mind being a mind, telling you things you don’t want to know and you don’t even want to think. That’s why even the driving off the road thing seems silly to me. And by the way, it might even be a safety mechanism to let you know you have to pay attention to dangerous things you do (like having a weapon in your hands, or driving a car). It’s just maybe a bit humorous, for which I think we should be grateful 🙂

    Bye. And the thank you for everything. For replying to everyone and for writing such profound and lighhearting (makes your heart light) texts, all with images.

    Reply

    • My mind does that thing with knives too. I wish it wouldn’t – I’m always like, really, you’re going there. But it does. So yes, you guessed right, I do understand that one too! We both have ‘silly at times” minds. Thank you so much for saying hi! Such an honor to have people read this articles and then take time to say hi. Thank YOU!

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  313. Lisa, you beautiful complicated mess of a human being. Thank you for this. I have been a positive thinking, daily affirmation junky for years. Sometimes it’s effective, other times, it’s more like a chore. You’ve opened my eyes to many things with this blog. I’m OK. I’m normal. I’m human. It’s all relative. Sure, I could drive off the cliff with a simple turn of the wheel. Who hasn’t had that though at one point? So what, it’s just a fleeting though. You’re the best. Have whatever kind of day you feel like having today. It’s all good. 🙂

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  314. “For instance, I have no idea if reading my articles is helpful for you.” Well, after reading several of the replies (above) I’d say you must have some idea now. I think many of us feel you are talking directly to us because you know us so well. BTW I have many size 10 footwear options to offer, just no red boots…sorry. ; )

    Reply

    • Hi Debbie/fellow size 10–er! I’m pleased that you feel like I’m talking directly to you. Maybe it’s because I’m also talking to myself a lot of the time. As in, I think about this stuff because I need it too. I am, as Marc, so awesomely put it below, a “beautiful complicated mess of a human being.” I reckon we all are.

      Reply

  315. Lisa,
    Thanks for your insights into your thoughts, and the mind in general. I love this stuff. In fact, when I coach people we look at how the mind is because that’s what it is supposed to do! You remind me of what Byron Katie says! Anyway, I am going to send my clients a link to your blog, because it’s just what we are talking about in the workshop I’m giving!! And I agree with Susie, your illustrations are priceless.

    Reply

    • Hi Pam! Well, firstly thank you for sharing my blog with your clients. And for saying nice things about my drawings. I haven’t read much Byron Katie, but the one book I did read, I thought, oh, it’s the same sort of stuff. Really nice to connect=)

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  316. Hey Lisa,

    Great stuff you’ve got here. I’ve read so many self help books and been to so many seminars about ‘positive thinking’. Still not any closer to the the elusive ‘mind mastery’. Your articles and book are my pick me ups. I can’t believe you’re giving it away for free! Though I can’t shake this fear of when my next downward spiral is. I’m afraid I only read your article when I’m down in the dumps :p but hey that’s what makes them super useful! Keep it going! Thanks so much!

    Oh if we would like to, how do we give back to you?

    Reply

      • Yes. It shouldn’t be though. I need to do some technical whizzy things and fix that. It’s really only a dollar within the US or $2 internationally. thanks for reminding me.

        Reply

    • By all means just read me when you’re down in the dumps.Happy to be that blogger! (I’m like that with my “Calm Cards.” I only ever use them when I need help! That sounds way more salesy than I meant. But they’re unavailable at the moment anyway as they’re being printed). You know, your interest and support here IS giving back to me. Thank you.

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  317. I am SOOOO glad I waited til this morning to read this.
    I spent Friday helping an in – law ( not really an in-law because her son & I aren’t married but have lived together for 5 years) move boxes out of a spare bedroom.
    I swore after my last visit 6 months ago I would NEVER go back because she is an energy vampire & I need my positive energy
    Anyway I was so disappointed that I allowed myself to get guilt tripped into helping that I spent all day Sunday with a fake sore hip trying to decide if I should end my relationship.
    I read your email first thing this morning & think I will ride it out for bit.
    You are awesome Lisa :):):)

    Reply

    • Good idea on riding it out until you feel better. Bad time to make big decisions when we’re feeling super grumpy. Even though it really feels like it’s the best time to make them. Ha ha. And it sounds like a sucky day moving boxes. Never a fun job anyway in itself. My husband and I have this large storage filled with so much stuff (mostly work tools). It’s his, who am I kidding, I own about 2 suitcases worth of stuff. But as I was saying, whenever we go there I feel grumpy. I don’t really know why. Maybe dust makes me grumpy. Usually helped by chilling at a cheap taco joint and watching Spanish TV on way home.XX

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  318. I love your illustrations! Even if I couldn’t read, I would get the message and feel better. I especially like the teeter totter with mind and heart, and the watering can with I’m ok juice! You really get depression, keep up the good work, I know it helps other people as much as it does me.

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  319. I have finally gotten to the point that I don’t beat myself up for not handling things “well” when I’m not positive when things fall apart around me. I have multiple chronic illnesses and I’m often told how well I handle it and how positive I am. when I’m not so positive people think something is wrong with me. Well there isn’t. If I were positive all the time something would be wrong with me!

    I can now accept my feelings and look at them non judgmentally. I can just be with them. sometimes just acknowledging them is enough. I realize that it is just an emotion and I can let it go. Sometimes I need to live with it for a while. But always I know it is simply a part if me, not all of me. I can let it go. Simply accepting it and not judging it has helped me so much. Not judging my feelings as either good or bad has been so important to me. It makes me sad that others expect me to be positive and upbeat all the time. When I mention that I’m down people simply are not there. I’ve lost so many friends since I got sick. I’m alone and isolated. If I ever mention I’m down, people disappear.
    I’m fine with it, but I feel I can’t be honest with many people.

    I am very open and honest on my blog. I’ve gone through the whole feeling positive part on there, and it just doesn’t work. However, I do feel you need to accept things. Accept your emotions. Accept your illness. accept things about you…but don’t judge. don’t judge your emotions as good or bad. don’t judge your illness as good or bad. make sense? from reading your book I think you send the same message.

    I like what you say.
    and how you say it.

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  320. I was always one of those people that thought there was something wrong if i was not always happy. I have found peace finally by being OK with not being happy at least 50% of the time and expecting it. I think that is just part of being human. You speak it and draw that message with so much humor and grace it makes it feel normal. I look forward to your insights, your honesty and your sweet humor!
    With appreciation, Wendy

    Reply

    • Thanks Wendy. I know what you mean about being one of those people. I was too. Challenging all right. Really touched to hear you enjoyed the article. Thank you so much for saying!

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  321. I enjoy your writings. Your words help me remember that there are many perspectives to situations. The pictures of the heart and brain are awesome! They made me laugh. I like reading that our thoughts are just thoughts from our brain, not “who we are”. Thank you for the emails; they are my positive reminders:)

    Reply

    • You’re so welcome, Karina. Thanks for the feedback re the brain drawings, that’s good to know they worked. There were lots more in the original draft but I wasn’t sure how well they worked. Maybe I will include a few more next time!

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  322. Lisa, thank you! I’m one of those “be positive” types who hasn’t been giving off much positively lately. Thank you for reminding us that this is ok, too. Sometimes we’ve just got to “be!”

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    • Ha, yes, totally OK! I was one of those “be positive” types too for many years. I was also a “yes I’ll do anything anyone asks me too” girl. Exhausting! Nice to meet you, Chrissy!

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  323. Lisa, you are wonderful. I’m reading, smiling and even laughing from the deep of my heart, because what you are saying is light, right and funny in the same time. A delicious mix. It also feels so good to know that we are not alone, that others are finding it difficult to be all the time ok and positive, and that you’re going beyond that and questioning it. I love all your thoughts and artistic drawing. You rock!
    Omar, your big fan from Tunisia

    Reply

    • Hey Omar in Tunisia! (I have just looked on a map to see where that is—my geography isn’t very good—and I see that you’re very close to Sicily, where my husband’s family is from.) Thanks for saying hi. Isn’t the internet amazing the way we can all meet up like this. Thank you Internet! And thanks for your kind words, Omar! I really appreciate it.

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  324. Hey Lisa,

    Very well written…simple facts and brilliantly put. Thanks for wording it. Remember to remember these things…so a timely one for me.

    Also made me crack up on the second last one – I did it! Rowed around the world…SOLO…record time… will my parents approve of me now?

    Love
    b

    Reply

    • My pleasure, Bhakti! It is a funny idea about the rower isn’t it. But so true. I’ve done it too. Not row around the world. But looked for approval as an adult. Ugh. Do you know what helped me the most … their disapproval. Was super painful at first, and then I started to genuinely not need it so much. Ha ha. Thanks for saying hi! have a good week.

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  325. , FINALY someone who’s mind works like mine!! Thanks so much Lisa, life is so much easier now that I just let things be as they are!!

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  327. This is probably my favourite of your articles so far, Lisa! So so so relatable! (When I feel down and walk around in public, I see everyone’s facial features as exaggerated and most people look like 1920s ‘Carnie’ folk. Weird.) I love that you mentioned the brain making little changes when we take so much of our focus of it. A quote that I often remember (from “Postcards from the edge” – Go Meryl!) was about how we can have a realisation and expect it to change our lives immediately – but sometimes it takes days, weeks, months to solidify and become part of how we see the world.

    P.s. The illustrations where the brain made an appearance had me laughing out loud! Such a character.

    Reply

    • Ooh, that’s interesting about people looking like “1920’s Carnie folk.” Aren’t our brains funny. It makes sense tho—another exaggeration—like what I feel. I’m going to look more closely next time it happens! (Anyone else want to weight in with their experience??) And gosh I love that movie quote:-)

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  328. Thanks for the fun reminders that I am OK the way I am. I have a cool book from before the days of many think positive preachers called “I’m OK, you’re OK” – as I recall – it says similar things. Luv yr humor and the drawings 😉

    I think there’s a larger perspective though – on our soul journey and purpose this life-time – which is back of some negative thoughts – sure the negative thoughts are ‘OK’ to have and just allow them – but also ‘notice’ them and see if they may be actually there to jog your memory of your soul and what IT truly wants for you to be doing and experiencing this time around.

    Also – we always have a choice. And we can choose to just have a great depression and really get into it – climb under the bed-sheets, not cook proper meals for a few days and really indulge in the depression. (probably easier when you live alone like I have a lot 🙂 and – sure enough sooner or later, the depression passes and some new inspiration happens. A little Guarana (pure) in your tea/coffee (organic of course!) – helps…:-) I thinj of it as my daily Guru-ana….

    Reply

    • I vaguely remember that book. I don’t know that I ever read it, but I’ve heard of the title. Will keep my eye out for it. And yes, to the larger perspective. For me, sometimes it has clearly been the larger perspective at work and other times it feels more like a side effect of a hormonal imbalance or something. I used to try and figure out which one it was. Tho I do that less now. Anyway. Thanks for saying hi!! Sounds like you’re found some peace within it. Which is what it’s all about i reckon. (Love the Guru-ana!)

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  329. Thanks Lisa! Great stuff! It’s nice to read your stuff because it’s helpful to know there is someone else out there who deals with this crap like me! But who’s also not going down without a fight! Sometimes I think we’re depressed because we’re so good at it! I mean I’ve met people who wallow in their depression, those who just give up completely and fall apart then there are those of us who are fixers. Who know that they can fix this if only they can just figure it out! Yet I don’t think depression is something that can be ‘fixed’ it must be accepted and you must become Ok with it and let it be, give up trying to fix it and let go. I think part of the problem is even thinking that there is a problem! You see fixers must fix everything even their own thoughts their own feelings so if there’s a thought or feeling that’s not what we want then we must fix it! Instead of just letting them pass through like clouds in the sky. Yes some are rain clouds and some are white and fluffy. Yet we fixers tend to ignore the white fluffy ones and hone in on the rainy ones! But that’s not how the brain works it just gives us more of whatever we give attention to. If we’re giving lots of attention to our rainy clouds then it just creates more for us to ‘fix’! Lol… Something that we need to realize is that thoughts and feelings are just abilities….our brain is just a computer that kicks out information we’re searching for.. kind of like Google. Sometimes it’s right on and other times it’s just a bunch of crap. Yet we tend to focus in on the crap then wonder why we feel like crap! Lol. For whatever reason we’ve trained our computer that we’re interested in all this crap so we can try to fix it! So it’s just doing what we’ve trained it to do. It doles out this stuff left and right. The ‘fix’ is just to step back from it all and let it all float past like clouds in the sky. If there’s a cloud you can use then great if all you see is rainy ones just leave them alone! The fix is to quit trying to fix it and Do Nothing about it. Accept that you have these rainy clouds! It’s Ok to have them! It’s even NORMAL! What’s not normal is to try to ‘fix’ them. They don’t need to be fixed. They need to be left alone. Do Nothing. Doing nothing is a lot easier too… Do nothing with the rainy clouds. Starve them of your attention! Let go of trying to fix them! Do nothing. Then just wait and let them pass and the rainy clouds will soon all clear and lo and behold all you’ll see is big fat puffy white ones full of peace and joy. Which has been there all along waiting for you. Waiting for you to quit trying to ‘fix’ something that isn’t broke! 🙂

    Reply

    • The clouds are such a good analogy aren’t they? I remember the first time I realized that the sun is always shining behind them.The clouds are so dark it’s hard to imagine. It’s as if a new sky came down and replaced the old on. But it didn’t. Thanks som uch for saying hi!!

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  330. Yes, I always enjoy your posts and try to incorporate your philosophy so life doesn’t seem so difficult. But what can one do when self-love is impossible to achieve? If I were someone on the other side of the table of me, I would not care for me, so how can I possibly like myself? Personally I don’t like people who are self-absorbed, apathetic and don’t care about much about anything if it doesn’t relate to them. I’m talking about narcissistic personality disorder and nobody likes a narcissist. Do you understand my dilemma? People who think they know me don’t really know how shallow I am because they themselves aren’t. If you have some words of wisdom here, please share them with me.

    Reply

    • Here’s how I see it… We are all trying, in one way or another. And this, I find, deeply lovable. So even if we are self absorbed, or whatever, we are trying to feel things. We are trying to experience love and satisfaction. You, are reading my emails. And my posts. And this is deeply lovable. Not because they are my posts, they could be anyone’s. All of us here, are trying. We are trying to feel good. We are trying to feel calm. We are trying to feel self assured and confident. To feel loved. To walk easily over this planet. To look at those gnarly bits of ourselves which don’t seem so easy, and learning how to live with them. You may be more prone to thinking of your own pleasure first, or whatever it is (I’m just guessing from what you’ve said). I wonder if learning to love and accept that side of you—without judging it—might be your gift. You assume other people won’t like it if they see it, but I’m not so sure. In your honesty and vulnerability I feel a connection. As I’m sure everyone does who reads this. I am sorry if this answer to your question is inadequate. But I am deeply grateful that you asked it.

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  331. Hi. Never sand hi before. But thank you. I like what you write, makes me smile. I feel good now, so good, compared with a few years ago. Just finished my science bachelor, but my dream lies in another direction. I want to teach. But I don’t want to study education-related anything. I don’t want to keep studying, actually (happy parents with my decision (not really, they both have a PhD)). And so, I have a dream, but I don’t know where to start. But I do feel that studying mainstream psychology or education practices is not my path. I don’t feel they do any good. Not that there are no good or excellent psychologists or teachers, but I feel that they are good because they listen to their heart and to their students/”patients” heart, not because they listen 100% to theory. I feel more love and acceptance is needed with children, better listening and new ideas. If children don’t like school, maybe it’s about time we seriously think why. (And emotions and how to live with them should also be taught in school). And I don’t like the idea that “adults” know better, and are the authority. I feel it’s what you mention about people telling you what to do and what not to do because they “know better”. Including psychologists, that have studied so hard, that they can look down on you. No one should do that. Not even to kids. They need guidance, yes, but I believe that the guide (or teacher, or parent) should acknowledge that they make mistakes, too, and they are learning (yes, the adults are still learning and making mistakes, and many just think that letting it be known to little ones is dangerous; I think it more dangerous to tell them such awful lies). I believe that the belief that we know better, is very dangerous, and trickles down into young minds, making them believe that they will know better, when grown up.

    Well, thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us.

    And let us all keep growing and learning.

    PS. Ohh, the e-mails… They are so hard to me. Sometimes I do not even answer, for months, even, and then feel like crap every day, for now being able to answer, for taking too long. 🙂

    Reply

    • Oh that’s such an important message isn’t it—that adults don’t automatically know better. Like you say, so often children know better. When I look at my nephews and nieces they have so much insight and creativity. Watching them grow up is like holding my breath hoping their innate belief in themselves doesn’t get too squashed out of them. Thank you so much for saying hi. Wishing you every bit of love and luck with your dreams and ventures.

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  332. You’re amazing! Thank you for this blog and all the other blogs you’ve written. You’ll never know how much good you’ve done in my life.

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  333. Thank you for this wonderful blog! Yes, it is wonderful for me to hear this right now … I love that your give permission to be in any mood that one might be in … up, down or in the middle! I am human too … go figure!?!

    I was recently diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia. Having lived a pretty healthy life, having given up smoking cigarettes just about a year ago, changed my eating habits to eating healthy and been exercising regularly for the last few years and getting back in the pool swimming just a few weeks ago … I was feeling on top of the world! Suddenly, this crazy pain … A bit depressing, to put it mildly. I am a senior woman … very happy to be so too! Suddenly those negative thoughts are swimming in my head like sharks after blood in the water. Your post has lifted my spirits by reminding me that “normal” is quite ok … if not a hundo p ok! So, this coming Tuesday I see a neurologist. Hopefully she will have some fabulous magic to take this pain!
    Thank you for your words here today … I have renewed hope and know that feeling a bit down about this pain … is ok!

    BTW – your art work is marvelous and really sets off your thoughts in words. Thank you for being YOU! Wishes to you for love, light and size 10 red boots! ~ Sarah

    Reply

    • Hi Sarah, Sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. I hadn’t heard of trigeminal Neuralgia, but a quick Google and now I know a bit about it. Sounds really unpleasant and painful. Hoping your doctor has some fabulous magic when you see them too=) Thank you for reaching out and saying hi (and for saying nice things about my wee drawings!) XX

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  334. hundo P agree! As always I love your writing, and the pictures. …

    BTW, your cards have help get me through some incredible life challenges over the last 2 years. Thank You. I am hugely in your debt. Where do I send the red boots? 🙂

    Reply

    • That’s so cool to hear the cards have been useful. They helped me so much too. Before I made them into cards I was carrying around the pile of raw watercolor images. Ha ha. Anyway, thanks for saying! Many ease-ful wishes to you. (I giggled re the boots. Funny!)

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  335. Lisa I love your writing, and there is so much common sense(which is missing these days) advice. There are so many people who feel superior by telling others how they “should” be. (Like them:))))
    I think you’re brilliant!!!!

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  336. Hey Lisa,
    As always, amazing! Love your writing AND even more, your guidance. Especially about depression which is very helpful. I have dealt with it for years, even as a child. Over time I have seen the ridiculousness of the thoughts that crowd in at the dark times. Not to belittle it or those who are challenged by it, but to say that looking back once on the other side, the thoughts are INSANELY silly.

    Your wisdom is appreciated. Thanks for sharing it, Joan
    (already posted it on FB)

    Reply

    • Hi Joan, They are ridiculous aren’t they. And they are really NOT funny in the moment. When someone else is having a crazy thought spell, I would never say they’re ludicrous to them, I just remind myself they’re still in there and that they’ll be back to their non weird thinking soon. It’s challenging isn’t it. For both parties. Big Halloween hug. And thanks so much for saying hi and taking the time to write. And for sharing!

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  338. Thank you Lisa for the reminder to trust what it feels right for me 🙂
    Sometimes I think we get stuck trying to figure what is the best answer, the best decision, the best of the best, but we forget to think about what feels right.

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  339. Hi Lisa,

    Not at all sure how you do it but you have a uncanny way of knowing the exact thing that will
    make people feel right with themselves. Self love is a tall order for many. Your wisdoms are
    so fun and enjoyable you even make feeling depressed okay and acceptable. Almost to the
    point of being enjoyable. That is where the magic lies… acceptance for being human. Vulnerable
    real, authentic and lovable just as we are. Thank you again for bringing so much humor
    while sharing such important information. Your perspectives are so refreshing.
    Sending enormous amounts of peace, love, light and harmony.
    Jann

    Reply

    • Funny you should say that I make depression seem almost enjoyable. I feel like that too, I mean, when I think of depression it doesn’t seem THAT bad, but then when I’m in it again, I’m thinking, oh yeah, so it really does suck! Happy Halloween and thanks for saying hi!

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  340. I think discombobulated should be counted as a cool word. Thanks for the bit about crashing your car, I have done that, and also wonder what was wrong with me.

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  341. Lisa, what can I say? This is fantastic. It’s all about don’t judging, and accepting. These are the keys to happy living. And you write so well, and the drawings really add up. You are an inspiration 🙂

    Reply

    • They are the keys, aren’t they. It’s just so easy to forget sometimes! But then, we can accept that we forget, and everything’s better again. Thanks for saying hi, Thais:-)

      Reply

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